Lately I've been laying kind of low. I'm feeling tired and I'm having some killer headaches that seem to make me even more tired! So it's rather nice to just stay in our comfortable home with my sweet puppy Piper (plus it's been soooo cold out) and read and watch TV and chat on the phone.
But today was very special...my wonderful son and one of his friends (Travis Jackson...we've known him forever!) came up from Mpls to join me for lunch. It was absolutely a day brightener! Whenever Michael walks in I just feel happy and all the stress of my day, week etc melts away. I am so fortunate! He and Travis will never know what today meant to me, it was the best medicine ever!!
I leave for a week in FL on Friday. Donnie and Piper will be staying at home for this trip. I'll spend a couple of days with my sister and the remainder with my parents. I am looking forward to some
warmer weather.
I've decided that one of the most difficult things about having stage IV cancer...or probably any terminal diagnosis...is the unknown. It's truly a mental game of sorts that can easily drive a person crazy if you let it. Every new ache or pain is suspect. Every Drs appoint, blood draw, scan etc is cause for anxiety. Every time you explain your diagnosis to someone and they hear breast cancer, they automatically say...oh that's curable these days...you don't need to worry about that anymore. I want to cry and say, "guess what, I know 6, yes 6 women that passed away from metastatic breast cancer...in January!" I live every day in fear of progression, but I put on my happy face and don't talk about it very often any more because it's such a downer. I want to live and enjoy each day...but it's always there...hovering, invading my thoughts...and I hate it!
Thank you for letting me vent! As I said, I've been tired, and it makes me more vulnerable I guess! Thank you all for your good thoughts...they're so appreciated. As always, I ask for your continued prayers for my Donnie and Michael, as this is very, very hard on both of them!
Love & blessings....Kathy xoxo
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