2014...so full of promise, so full of excitement to see a new year unfold. It started out well...in January as some may recall, I had a wonderful lunch with my son Michael and an old friend of his from St. Cloud (Travis). We had a great afternoon and I loved their company!
In early February I left this frozen tundra for a week to visit my FL family (Kim, Matt, Meg, Mom & Dad). It was totally relaxing, warm, relaxing, beautiful, relaxing...I think you get the idea! Upon my return Don surprised me by painting two rooms in our home...they're gorgeous. We then attended the annual GNTC dinner Theatre with Barb & Tom. Great play, great food, perfect company!
From there it's decided to go south, and not in a good way. Somehow, somewhere I contracted pneumonia. After 3 full days in bed Don dragged me to the Dr and after x-rays and tests...yup that's the deal. Now that alone I could probably handle. Although I'm very weary of being sick...and barely remember what it's like to feel healthy, in my heart I know that "This too shall pass."
The bottom kind of fell out yesterday. You see one week ago I took Don in for a prostate biopsy. His PSA has been steadily rising and it was time. Yesterday his surgeon called to say that the results were back and they were positive. I'm not sure what I said to the Dr, I recall him telling me that it was early stage...caught early...yadda, yadda, yadda. I hung up the phone and waited for my Donnie to call...wishing so badly that I could be with him when Dr B gave him the new! Knowing exactly how it feels to hear the words "You have cancer." And there's something else...no matter how much your brain knows that this is 100% treatable and curable, your heart aches and breaks. Because after all this is the love of my life...my soulmate! How dare this happen to him!
I hate cancer!!! I cannot say it more strongly than that! This stupid disease has spent way to much time interfering in our lives and I'm angry and resentful.
I ask all of you for your positive thoughts and prayers to be directed towards my Donnie.
Blessings...Kathy xoxo
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
Some days are really special!
Lately I've been laying kind of low. I'm feeling tired and I'm having some killer headaches that seem to make me even more tired! So it's rather nice to just stay in our comfortable home with my sweet puppy Piper (plus it's been soooo cold out) and read and watch TV and chat on the phone.
But today was very special...my wonderful son and one of his friends (Travis Jackson...we've known him forever!) came up from Mpls to join me for lunch. It was absolutely a day brightener! Whenever Michael walks in I just feel happy and all the stress of my day, week etc melts away. I am so fortunate! He and Travis will never know what today meant to me, it was the best medicine ever!!
I leave for a week in FL on Friday. Donnie and Piper will be staying at home for this trip. I'll spend a couple of days with my sister and the remainder with my parents. I am looking forward to some
warmer weather.
I've decided that one of the most difficult things about having stage IV cancer...or probably any terminal diagnosis...is the unknown. It's truly a mental game of sorts that can easily drive a person crazy if you let it. Every new ache or pain is suspect. Every Drs appoint, blood draw, scan etc is cause for anxiety. Every time you explain your diagnosis to someone and they hear breast cancer, they automatically say...oh that's curable these days...you don't need to worry about that anymore. I want to cry and say, "guess what, I know 6, yes 6 women that passed away from metastatic breast cancer...in January!" I live every day in fear of progression, but I put on my happy face and don't talk about it very often any more because it's such a downer. I want to live and enjoy each day...but it's always there...hovering, invading my thoughts...and I hate it!
Thank you for letting me vent! As I said, I've been tired, and it makes me more vulnerable I guess! Thank you all for your good thoughts...they're so appreciated. As always, I ask for your continued prayers for my Donnie and Michael, as this is very, very hard on both of them!
Love & blessings....Kathy xoxo
But today was very special...my wonderful son and one of his friends (Travis Jackson...we've known him forever!) came up from Mpls to join me for lunch. It was absolutely a day brightener! Whenever Michael walks in I just feel happy and all the stress of my day, week etc melts away. I am so fortunate! He and Travis will never know what today meant to me, it was the best medicine ever!!
I leave for a week in FL on Friday. Donnie and Piper will be staying at home for this trip. I'll spend a couple of days with my sister and the remainder with my parents. I am looking forward to some
warmer weather.
I've decided that one of the most difficult things about having stage IV cancer...or probably any terminal diagnosis...is the unknown. It's truly a mental game of sorts that can easily drive a person crazy if you let it. Every new ache or pain is suspect. Every Drs appoint, blood draw, scan etc is cause for anxiety. Every time you explain your diagnosis to someone and they hear breast cancer, they automatically say...oh that's curable these days...you don't need to worry about that anymore. I want to cry and say, "guess what, I know 6, yes 6 women that passed away from metastatic breast cancer...in January!" I live every day in fear of progression, but I put on my happy face and don't talk about it very often any more because it's such a downer. I want to live and enjoy each day...but it's always there...hovering, invading my thoughts...and I hate it!
Thank you for letting me vent! As I said, I've been tired, and it makes me more vulnerable I guess! Thank you all for your good thoughts...they're so appreciated. As always, I ask for your continued prayers for my Donnie and Michael, as this is very, very hard on both of them!
Love & blessings....Kathy xoxo
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)