Hello all,
The time seems to go by so quickly doesn't it? Especially as we grow older! Add to that having a terminal illness and it seems as though life is just speeding by. All I want to do is yell...
"stop...slow down! I'd like to do that, try that see that experience that again!" But as we all know there are no do overs in life. I'd love to say that I have no regrets, but I'd be lying. Just like most people I have many. I haven't been a perfect wife, and I'm sure Don would be the first to agree! 😊 I married later in life and it took me a while to learn how to share my life with someone...even someone I love as much as Don. Thank goodness he's such a loving and patient man! Otherwise this discussion would be much different! As it is...on May 7th we will celebrate our 12th anniversary. During those 12 years we've spent all but 4 years of our wonderful marriage has had the shadow of cancer looming over it. My Don truly does understand the mean of " for better or worse ". I feel his support and strength at all times!
During the past 5 years my beloved son Michael became a man before my eyes! I've love him with every ounce of my being since the day he was born...and before! A child, whether they are young or grown, should NEVER have to watch their parent go threw a cancer diagnosis and subsequent treatment. They just do not deserve it...my Michael doesn't deserve this! I can handle damn near anything ...but when I think of my son, the person I raised on my own for so long, the person I would die for it's the one time I fall apart. I don't want to miss anything in his life you see. I want to continue to share in all of his triumphs as well as to be his sounding board when he needs one. He is after all my son, my child...my own flesh and blood...and as every parent knows, we never ever want to see our children in pain. It doesn't matter how old they are.
You must know, I've NEVER been a perfect Mom. I could have been a lot more patient, more understanding, Mike says I could have been stricter (he's most likely correct) but the one thing I could never have done was love him more than I did. I hope that he will forever know that, and always did!
During the past 5 years Mike has gotten engaged to Jenny Hawkins. We love Jen, and already she's part of our family. Five years ago this month my beloved company Quality Wine & Spirits closed for good. As I began talking/interviewing with other distribution houses on April 11 I was told that my BC had metastasized and I was Stage IV. I would never work again. I've been blessed that Don and I were able to make ends meet while still living comfortably, I know many others who are not so fortunate. Please believe me, I'm not complaining when I say that I have missed my career throughout the entire 5 years.
The other big changes that come to mind...
*We lost my loving and wonderful Father in law Mick 5 months before I was diagnosed Stage IV. I've always been grateful that I got to know him so well, he was very special. I'm also grateful he didn't know that my cancer returned. It hit him so hard the first time , I would have hated to have to tell him again.
*my parents sold the family lake house on Leech Lake after 44 plus years and are now permanent residents of the sunshine state...Florida. Sadly it was time, and although we'll forever miss it, we will all have the best memories!
I could go on and on...but I'm wearing down so I'll wrap this up with an update and something happy! In January I had another PET scan (for those that weren't aware.). Once again there was progression...a new spot found on t-9 on my spinal column. Because I've had cancer there in the past, as well as radiation, they can't radiate the same spot twice without the possible chance of of a lot of skin and organ damage. So we decided that it was much safer to increase my oral chemo dosage. So far the only adverse effects I've noticed are:
1. A little increased fatigue
2. Nausea if I don't eat properly
3. My hair thinning and breaking off. But I'm using a specific product that's making my hair look MUCH thicker!
I'm beyond excited to see Mike and Jen when I spend time with them in NYC in May. My dear friend Jeanie will be joining me...her first time in the city...and it just can't get here soon enough. I need my Michael hugs!
I want to thank you for reading this VERY long post, and I'm sorry if it got boring. Your friendship, your prayers and your love are deeply appreciated. God Bless each one ofyou❣️
Love, Kathy xoxoxo
