I feel as though I should apologize...it's been such a long time since I've blogged. But times sometimes just slips by so quickly and stuff occurs that makes it difficult for me to write for me to write, but I'm here and I'll try to catch you up on things ...and not take up to much of your time!
Part of the reason that I've had a difficult time writing is that I lost a dear friend to this damn disease recently! Sadly we never met in person, we met through an online support group, but we couldn't have been closer! She had a wonderfully wicked sense of humor, she cared deeply about animals (we loved talking about our furry family member), she cared deeply about family (and we all know that family is priority #1 for me!) and we took so much pride in talking about her daughters and my son! She was extremely smart and I felt very comfortable asking her questions about cancer since her journey started about a year before mine. We wrote to each other 3-5 times weekly and sometimes multiple times a day. As she got sicker she never complained...but she would tell me her tumor markers were going up, her Drs couldn't get things under control, she had no energy etc. but again...never complained and never told me how bad it was. But deep down I knew! I told her I couldn't bear to loose her...she promised I wouldn't ! Towards the end her emails were very short, and infrequent, so I contacted her daughter. Karen passed away the next day. I have lost to damn many lovely friends, acquaintances and others to this stupid disease that I almost can't stand it. The only thing that makes it bearable is my faith. I truly believe that Karen, Kym, Anita, Susan and all of the others are now together without pain in Heaven and that we will ALL meet someday! That is what sustains me.
Thank you for letting me get all of that out. It was a dark and sad time for me. I've just recently been able to rejoin my online support group...it was just to overwhelming without Karen. But thanks to several other great friends, and some time away, I'm able to move forward. That's what she would want. Karen...I will always miss you, you're one helluva lady! 💕
April 25, 2015 was my three year Cancervesary. Wow! Don and I let it pass with gratitude but no fanfare. My sweet sister Barb sent me the most beautiful and heartfelt note (love you BJ!). As I've said in the past these anniversaries are a mixed bag! On one hand I feel so fortunate...I'm here and all things considered doing pretty well! Three years ago I really didn't think I'd be here. On the other hand, I worry that I'm using up years. Yes I know...only God knows when our time is up...but cancer has a hand in my life expectancy so I think I have a right to feel that way. So please...don't argue with me ok?!
This brings me to everyone's question "How are you doing Kathy?" Well..There's no easy answer to that one unfortunately. But here goes. I have good days and bad days (don't you just hate that answer!). My Dr just increased my pain meds due to increased pain. I will see my oncologist at the end of May (my regular 3 month appointment) and I plan to request a new set of scans because of the pain. My blood work has never been accurate ie never tells us if my cancer is progressing or active...so scans are what I have to do. I suffer from extreme fatigue. I need to take naps almost daily (and believe me I would sleep all afternoon if I could!) and then go to bed at 9pm. I sleep until at least 10am each morning...sometimes later...so as you can see this is a huge issue. About 5 weeks ago I contracted pneumonia and was sick for weeks. I have virtually no immune system so any little bug can be catastrophic for me! The up side was that I didn't have to be hospitalized! I'd much rather have Don taking care of me. 😷
Now for something wonderful...
In between all of the shizzle, Don and I spent an extended weekend with Michael and Jenny in NYC. We stayed in an ornate B & B about two blocks from their apartment in Manhattan and had a spectacular time. They are excellent tour guides as well as the perfect host/hostess! It was exactly what both Don and I needed, not only a get-a-way but quality time with people we love so dearly! We look forward to our next visit!
I think that's about it. I ask you all for a special prayer request, my sister in law Trista 's MIL has been diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. Treatment isn't an option so I ask that you pray for comfort for Anne Donnay and her entire family. Thank you!
As always, I thank each of you for your love and support...it means so much!
Kathy 💕💕
